10 Years

I had to laugh when I looked back at my journal and found this entry from 10 years ago. I went through and marked up the lists.

  • Green: accomplished.
  • Red: moved on.

Here’s the post from October 21, 2005:

I don’t know if I have what it takes. What it takes to just BE. I can’t focus on anything for a long enough time. My mind wanders and wanders and wanders. I have so many goals, and I want so many things.

>>>I want to be more professional
>>>I want to be a better homemaker
>>>I want to eat healthier
>>>I want to dress better
>>>I want to read more books
>>>I want to organize my house, my work, and my life
>>>I want to pay more attention to my loved ones
>>>I want to stop talking shit about people
>>>I want to go for walks and hikes
>>>I want to go back to school
>>>I want to buy a house
>>>I want to spend less money

These are the ideas floating around in my head every single day. Instead though, I think I get defeated by the volume of them, and so I:

….Watch TV
….Eat crappy
….Play video games
….Surf the Internet
….Oversleep
….Stay up too late
….Wear jeans to work
….Procrastinate
….Eat out
….Make messes
….Lose stuff
….Live in filth
….Go from idea to idea without actually doing anything

Honestly, I’ll be surprised if I even finish this diary entry. How can I focus more? How can I find more time to be the way I want? How can I change my behavior and my identity to become those things?

So….what’s the point?

Not that much has changed, except one key thing. I’m okay with who I am and I embrace it. 

 

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